Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
