We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
