I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
