i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize