Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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