According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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