oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it hurts more in the daytime
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
