i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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