He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
