shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize