What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
