i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
