do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
