I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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