cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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