apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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