she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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