well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
