areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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