Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
