It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
