I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
