he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
