Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
