No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
