i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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