I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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