You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
