just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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