Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
