So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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