Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you traded sex for a burrito?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
