oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
