If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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