What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I looked at my own cervix.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
