I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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