Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
