Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
