I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
