Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
