Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
