I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
