Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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