Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
