If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
