I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
