South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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