I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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