Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
