She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
