Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
