FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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