whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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