drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
