Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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