Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
