alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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