Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
