Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's Friday. Sex?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
