haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
