i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
