my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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