Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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