I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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