i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
