who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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