We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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