My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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