no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
