So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
