Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
