...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
