I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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