She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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