I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
