Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
