Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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