Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
