I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize