Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
