dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
