Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
