Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
