In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
