Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My feet surprised me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
