I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
