if you like me you must not know who I am
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
