no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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