That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
