We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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