I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
