i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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