My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
