You work out of a Hotel?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
