I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
