Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize