i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
