You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize