even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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