My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
