Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
