She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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