Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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