I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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